We're fast approaching the end of the year, and it often amazes me how time does fly unnoticed. At times, I feel like I'm just beginning to get the hang of the year that we call 2011, and then I'm reminded by my colourful diary that the year-end this way cometh.
I suppose it is natural that for many people sustained reflections often dwell on what they have achieved throughout the year, how much they have attained, how productive they have been. I know for a fact that I've been very productive this year and I've achieved - with the help of a number of others around me - significant milestones this year. Performance has seldom been my challenge in life. I know what I do well, and I do it well.
But a challenge remains for me to stab my internal inquiries deeper into the recesses of my heart and mind, to ask the truly pertinent question with regards to being. Therefore, I'm obligated to ask myself not "What have I done this year?" but "Who have I been this year?" I know just what I've said to the many people I've spoken to and taught throughout the year; but just who have I been to them, for them?
I have travelled to many places, met probably thousands of new faces I cannot remember (and which, often to my great embarassment, remember me). Done much and spoken much I have. In a sense, I had no choice - my work required that of me. My lectures and talks and writings wouldn't have done much to affect life directions if I have not been the presence of Christ to those who listened, acting for them in the person of Christ (in persona Christi).
But I know I can be quite deficient that way, given that I'm highly introverted and rather afraid of and easily worn out by crowds (a secret of mine that few know about). I neither enjoy travelling nor new environments. I love people a lot but find it difficult sustaining my mental/emotional stamina when required to hang around a lot of people for extended periods of time.
My favourite moments are when I withdraw from the noise and the haste into the silence of the moment, for it is there that I know who I actually am.
We would often like to think that we're capable of making a great impact in the world, affecting the lives of others and initiating great undertakings. Maybe the truth is, we are each simply little specks of sand on the beach, contributing in our own little ways through our little insignificant presence so that a greater "Significance" might flourish from our joint oneness.
2012 stares me in the face. I fear what it might bring. But time is no respector of man, and the coming year shall befall me, with or without my bidding. God help me. God help us all.